Witnesses ask one kind of question. Suspects ask three.

Civilians, when interviewed, want to know two things: are you almost done, and are they themselves in trouble. That’s it. They might also ask if they can have a glass of water — that’s a tell about hospitality, not guilt. The water is fine.

Suspects, on the other hand, ask three.

1. “What did the others say?” — Translation: please tell me how my story compares so I can correct it before you notice. The polite version is “have you talked to so-and-so yet?” The very polite version is “is there anything I should know before I answer?” There isn’t. Answer the question.

2. “Is this on the record?” — Translation: I would like a category of conversation in which I am not held accountable for what I say. There is no such category. Everything is on the record. The microphone is the cake — what you say is the icing — and you brought the cake.

3. “Should I have a lawyer?” — This one’s interesting. It’s the most useful of the three, but it’s also the question that gets asked by people who have read too many novels. Real innocent people occasionally ask it. Real guilty people almost always ask it. The way to tell the difference is to keep talking and watch which one looks relieved when you say “that’s up to you.”

None of this is admissible in court. It’s just admissible in my notebook.

— Ned