Look — I’ve been at this long enough that I’ve started keeping a list. Not of crimes. Of my own habitual little fictions. The lies a detective tells in the line of duty. There are five of them, and once you start noticing them you can’t stop.

1. “I’ll only need a few minutes of your time.” — Reader, I have never once needed only a few minutes. This is the most flagrant of the five.

2. “Just routine questions.” — They are never routine. The minute I say “routine,” I am following a hunch. You should be flattered. I think you did it.

3. “I’m not at liberty to discuss the case.” — I’m at liberty. I’m just bored of the question. There’s a difference and the difference is everything.

4. “We’re following several leads.” — We have one lead. It is not promising. We are extending the lead by force of personality.

5. “I’ll be in touch.” — I will not. Unless you turn out to be the killer, in which case I will be in touch in the most aggressive possible sense of the phrase. Sleep tight.

— Ned